What Color Is Donald Trump?

Listicle: What Color is Donald Trump?

He won’t be painted by any brush, unless it’s covered in bronzer. It’s enough to make you think Donald Trump has not only destroyed the traditional boundaries between party lines, he’s destroyed your television’s onboard color processor. The Ex-Press heads up a special investigative team headed by designers, painters, political pundits and Pantone experts to solve the compelling mystery: What color is Donald Trump?

The Donald Trump paint chip: From Navel Orange, Natural Oompa Loompa, and Single Cheese Slice

By The Ex-Press Staff

Red Elephant?

Red? Trump’s tie is red, suggesting he’s Right when it comes to financial policy. And so are his lips, because he knows he needs to talk like a Republican. Hey. Talk is cheap.

Democrat Blue?

Blue? His suit is navy, his eyes are sky blue and so is pie-in-the-sky line about making “America Great Again.” What? It’s not great already?

Orange

Orange? A day without Donald is a day without his sun shining on the rest of us.

Oompa-Loompa

Oompa Loompa? Though he serves no master, not even Willy Policy Wonka, he’s been making giant chocolate bars covered in gold, like that one on Central Park.

Exotic Mango

Exotic Mango? Definitely not. They come from Mexico. Then again, his complexion does make him look like an illegally imported fruit.

Clemson University

Clemson? “South Carolina loves me!” proclaimed the Donald after his big win. And now we know why: Depending on the lighting, Trump’s orange face makes him look like the beloved Clemson mascot, The Tiger.

Princeton Tiger

Princeton? Though New Jersey used to belong to Chris Christie, The Garden State and the microcosm of its Ivy League campus could sway toward the leading tower of Trump, because depending on the lighting, Trump’s orange face makes him look like the beloved Princeton mascot, The Princeton Tiger. And isn’t New England, like, the whole “New” deal?

Kraft Single

Kraft Single? That guy hasn’t been single since he was 12, when he thought girls were still gross. Not like now, when he just calls them ‘fat pigs’ and ‘stupid.” Single, not. Krafty? That man couldn’t be more comfortable between two slices of white bread and served with ketchup.

Pork Rinds

Pork Rind? Though he says he’s going to remove the pork from politics… well, maybe he hasn’t said that yet, but he will, because he’s been sending subliminal pork rind messages with his eyes for years, and eventually, he’ll have to answer for it.