London Has Fallen and it can’t get up

By Katherine Monk

Oops. Something else has fallen. First Washington, now London, next it will be France, and perhaps Gerard Butler’s underpants.

It’s the return of the unintentional farce of “something has fallen and can’t get up” movies featuring Gerard Butler as a secret service agent assigned to protect the President of the United States, played by the perpetually strong-jawed Aaron Eckhart.

The first time we saw Mike Banning (Butler) was back in 2013, when Mike was protecting the Commander-in-Chief in D.C. in Olympus Has Fallen.

The movie was ridiculous as it posited a full-scale siege of the White House, with Mike and President Asher gunning it out with terrorists. This one is even more unfathomable. It features Mike and the President gunning it out with terrorists on the streets of London, which is now under siege by bad guys in good guy outfits.

Looking to get even for a drone strike that took out his entire family at a wedding ceremony, the Jihadist villain targets the state funeral of the British Prime Minister where every leader of the western world has converged to pay their respects.

Director Babak Najafi ensures we know who they are by placing their title at the bottom of the frame, like this nonsense were some brand of documentary. Then again, if we didn’t have the explanatory ID on screen, we wouldn’t know which leaders the terrorists are blowing up one moment to the next.

Canadians will get a giddy thrill when they see the Canadian Prime Minister played by a generic white guy (Nigel Whitmey) promptly vaporized by an RPG, and the same goes for the Japanese and Germans, as well as the French and the Spanish.

Just about every world leader is wiped out except you-know-who, and you know why? Because of Mike Banning. That’s why.

Mike doesn’t listen to what the other security teams told him to do. He created his own arrival and departure plan, which is one reason why president strong jaw is still alive.

In fact, the more arrogant and strong-willed Mike becomes, the more he’s depicted like a maverick hero. This latent worship of loudmouth know-it-alls seems to be in the air these days, because unlike intelligent and diplomatic types, yahoos with big guns and a few handy one-liners can hold a scene for our 15-second attention span.

And that’s about how this movie functions: Rapid bursts of acting followed by explosive spectacle. The drama has all the nuance of machinegun fire and the plot has all the poetry of a tank.

Not even Gerard Butler’s presence brings any charm or emotion to the fore because he’s just not that believable in the role. Butler looks like a bar-brawler who spits in your beer and steals your girlfriend, not a guy who spends his days at the White House.

He’s brawny. He’s manly. But he reads uncouth, partly because he still has a hard time with the American accent. The Scottish brogue can be heard in every word, forcing Butler into an overripe delivery, where every syllable is spit out like a ball of chewing tobacco – a thick black trickle without subtlety or emotion.

It matches the rest of the ash grey frames, and actually brings an unintentional esthetic unity to this joyless bore. We can surrender to the dull violence and Butler’s predictable day-saving heroism. We can yawn through the scenes of the situation room featuring Morgan Freeman as the fish-loving veep, and we can giggle through the moments where Butler plays husband to Radha Mitchell.

Even the terrorists feel so overcooked, they border on comedy.

The one thing this movie delivers is carnage and a few good car crashes – real car crashes that use real vehicles. They’re an old-school delight in a movie that holds few pleasures and even fewer surprises, but gives us plenty of Gerard Butler.

This movie and Gods of Egypt were supposed to restart his flagging career, but Gods of Egypt needed a decent burial and this one’s a dreary, violent mess that makes 300 feel like Shakespeare.

@katherinemonk

THE EX-PRESS, March 5, 2016

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