Jungle Cruise offers giggles, followed by Technicolor yawn

By Katherine Monk

So what do you get when you cross The African Queen with Pirates of the Caribbean (the movie and the ride), then pepper it all with Star Wars references and a plot from Raiders of the Lost Ark? A great big colorful mess called Jungle Cruise, that’s what.

A big-budget action adventure movie from the masters at the Mouse House, Jungle Cruise was engineered to be a box office smash. We know this because they copied their previous ride-t0-movie franchise by casting big stars in the leads, giving us the current number-one box-office draw in Dwayne Johnson, and surrounding him with thespian talent capable of passable period accents.

Dwayne Johnson commands more money per role than any living actor at the moment, and it’s not hard to see why: His movies make a lot of cold hard cash, making him the modern Schwarzenegger — only with a cute face and an all-American image. Everyone loves the Rock, and why argue when he seems like the last guy ready and willing to fight the good fight.

The only problem with Johnson is range. He may be a rock when it comes to stability and screen presence, but rocks don’t offer a lot of dramatic dimension — and sadly, Jungle Cruise comes up a little too small for its desired scale when it comes to the magical movie ingredient called ‘feelings.’

Beginning with a long-winded story of an enchanted place in the Amazon where a miracle compound called Tears of the Moon is said to grow, Jungle Cruise introduces us to brother and sister team Lily (Emily Blunt) and Macgregor (Jack Whitehall), children of a researcher who got knew the legend inside out, but never found his Holy Grail.

The only problem with Johnson is range. He may be a rock when it comes to stability and screen presence, but rocks don’t offer a lot of dramatic dimension — and sadly, Jungle Cruise comes up a little too small for its desired scale when it comes to the magical movie ingredient called ‘feelings.’

Yet, after a new expedition located a sacred arrow head, Macgregor and Lily decide they should nab the relic and head to Brazil to validate their parents’ quest. Little do they know an evil German prince (Jesse Plemons) is also eager to locate the arrow head, and the magical blossoms of an underground tree, where Tears of the Moon are said to grow.

So now you have to factor in some Indiana Jones into the mix, which is how Emily Blunt’s character ends up in safari pants — as she ditches period petticoats for britches. It’s also how we end up with a running joke where Captain Frank (Johnson) calls Lily ‘Pants,’ and Lily, in turn, calls the Skipper ‘Skippy.”

The comedy is based in outdated notions of sexism because this is a turn of the century story, after all. It’s 1916, two years into the Great War, and the Germans are looking for any strategic advantage. This plot device allows the screenwriters to exploit every film reference at their fingertips — from The African Queen’s war-era details, to Indiana Jones’s noble quest to keep the Ark of the Covenant from the hands of the Nazis.

Director Collet-Serra doesn’t seem compelled by high purpose as much as a deep desire to give his audience a gleeful ride and a few giggles. For people who know their film references, there’s no shortage of inside geek jokes — from Jesse Plemons channeling a twangy take on Werner Herzog and Klaus Kinski in Burden of Dreams, to Johnson’s attempt to be a Bogart-like presence to Blunt’s Hepburn. Blunt nails the Katharine Hepburn spunk, but Johnson fumbles with the half-broken character of Mr. Allnut.

The two cook up some decent comic chemistry, but that’s about all they can do against a blazing backdrop of special effects and gags borrowed from other movies. There’s still a boatload of entertainment in Jungle Cruise, but there isn’t a hint of gravitas. This isn’t soul food. It’s more like an ice cream Sundae with too many scoops: It’s not a question of pure taste — but a whole lot of popular flavours in one fancy Disney presentation dish.

@katherinemonk

THE EX-PRESS, July 30, 2021

To read more of Katherine’s reviews, check out the Ex-Press archive or visit the works at Rotten Tomatoes.

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