The Boss Baby demands your attention
Movie Review: The Boss Baby
Alec Baldwin scales down his 30 Rock character to a pint-sized power broker looking to put puppies in their place and pad the bottom line for infants everywhere in The Boss Baby
Fatherhood fuses Disney, duty and doodie
Daddy Diary #9: Freaky Friday Father
Seeing through the eyes of his infant daughter, a first-time father learns parenting is a precious lesson in learning from an altered perspective
By Chris Lackner
I’ve decided fatherhood is a life-long version of Freaky Friday.
My baby girl and I haven’t swapped bodies (I’m holding out hope it happens before I have to do my taxes). But as a newbie dad, I often find myself trying to think like my baby (some would claim this isn’t a real stretch). My goal is to see the world anew through her wondrously wide, exploring eyes.
In the original 1976 film, and 2002 remake starring Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis, daughter and mother learned a lot from their fantastical body switch. A change in perspective was a catalyst for growth, wisdom – and comedy. The same goes for this daughter-daddy combo.
Just by putting myself in her tiny shoes, our little girl (now seven months old) has already taught me many valuable lessons. For ...
Move over Pinocchio, this new Daddy’s got strings
Daddy Diary #8: The Puppetry of Parenting
What does a puppet parent looks like? Imagine a new form of entertainment if choreographed by a drunk, one-legged Danny Kaye and a zombie cheerleader.
By Chris Lackner
“I've got no strings so I have fun, I'm not tied to anyone. How I love my liberty, there are no strings on me!”
Sure, Pinocchio made those words famous. But they also describe my motto before becoming a first-time, 37-year-old father.
For the last 10 years, I have enjoyed a rare combination: disposable income and disposable time. With apologies to Walt Disney, I’d add an extra verse or two to my own song (e.g. “I’ve got no strings, so I drink beer. If I sleep in, I’m in the clear. How I love my drinks sudsy, there are no strings on me!”)
As the father of a five-month old, I now have a different kind of fun… but the puppet strings are both many and unbreakable. Mommy and Daddy often feel like puppets – our daughter a mad-cap, unpredictable puppete...
Mom is the Flash, Dad is the Slow
Daddy Diary: Part Seven
Faster than an unfired bullet: A first-time father discovers his superpower has nothing to do with speed, and everything to do with slowing down to a snail's pace
By Chris Lackner
“This is a job for… The Slow.”
That’s my superhero name at home these days — prompted by my less-than lightning flash responses to my newborn daughter’s needs.
Mom may be The Flash, but dad is decidedly less so. “Faster than an unfired bullet. More powerful than your average eight-year-old. Able to leap tall stuffed animals in a single bound (on his good days). He is… The Slow.”
Is Dad on diaper duty? Triple or quadruple the time required to complete the task. Is Dad sent to find some kind of baby item — cloth, blanket, toy, cream, soother etc.? Don’t wait up for him; he’ll be back before dawn.
It’s not that I decided to become The Slow. No superhero chooses their destiny – their destiny is thrust upon them. With great power comes great ...
The Lioness doesn’t sleep tonight
The Daddy Diary: Part Six
A first-time father faces the surreal and sometimes lonely experience of looking in from the outside with a tender heart full of slumber-inducing song
By Chris Lackner
"In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight."
Good for him. In my "jungle" — AKA house — there isn't much sleeping going on (especially for mom). Such is the life of newbie parents. Our little lioness has a mighty roar — mightiest after the sun goes down.
Our girl’s hunger — and gas-fueled bellow — is only satiated by two things: breast milk and songs (with musical numbers finishing a distant, distant second).
Our baby instinctively knows how to lay in wait and then pounce on her parental prey when we are at our most vulnerable. Is dad trying to watch the ninth-inning drama of a playoff race? Yup. Cue the crying. Are mom and dad trying for the 15th time that night to stream more than three minutes in a row of one TV episode? Yup. Cue our mighty ...
Parental Mental Training Begins
The Daddy Diary: Part 3
When you feel that baby kung-fu kicking, fatherhood suddenly feels concrete and you realize that a tiny little person will see you as their Mr. Miyagi
“Wax on, wax off. Don't forget to breathe, very important.” – Mr. Miyagi, Karate Kid (1984)
By Chris Lackner
Our baby is going to be a karate kid or, better yet, a ninja.
With the amount of kicking going on in mom’s belly these days, it’s either ninja or international soccer star – which would certainly make the baby’s Brazilian grandparents happy. (I’d like to think our child will dream big, and become the world’s first double threat: a ninja footballer).
While I’ve always wanted to raise a little Zen warrior (mainly for all the money I’d save on home security… but also for the free car waxing), this third trimester kicking phase is an important one for all dads-to-be. It’s the first time fatherhood feels concrete – more than an abstract concept. It’s a period where ...
Pop Culture Decoder: Children’s Books
Misty Harris deciphers the hidden messages in beloved kids’ tales to discover the secret meaning of Green Eggs and Ham, and Robert Munsch's ode to Psycho
By Misty Harris
Read the same children’s books night after night AFTER NIGHT and two things are likely to come to mind: suicide, and questions about what the respective authors were really trying to say.
From Lewis Carroll to C.S. Lewis, scribes of children’s literature are notorious for hiding political, religious and even mathematical messages in plain sight. Is this also true of more straightforward titles such as Everyone Poops and Mortimer? I watched enough Carmen Sandiego as a kid to feel comfortable playing gumshoe on this one.* Let’s detect!
Green Eggs and Ham: If you push something bland and unappetizing on people long enough, they’ll relent and accept it – a timeless message that explains everything from reality TV to the endurance of Gwyneth Paltrow.
Love You Forever: ...
